She was born in Chicago, Illinois, and now resides in Los Angeles, California. Ever since she was a toddler her mother noticed her tendency for being interested in all things “dark”. At two she became infatuated with vampires and ghosts, and that infatuation turned into a lifestyle. She is also an out member of the LGBT+ community. When she’s not writing, she’s going to rock concerts, getting tattooed, watching the CW, or reading manga. And drinking copious amounts of coffee.
Male siren Sean Wireman was ostracized from his small village in Israel in the sixteenth century, forced to wander the world until he settled in America in the 1920’s. Since he doesn’t age like a normal person, he was fit to fight in World War Two, to defend the heritage he spent his whole life running from.
Seventy years later, after he has lived a whole other life since Hitler was defeated, from attending law school to becoming a bona fide rock star. In 2017, the monsters the Nazis released upon the Jews in concentration camps have returned, and he is the only one who can destroy them.
But can he save his people once again, or will this fight take a deadly toll?
Esme’s Wish by Elizabeth Foster
This was her last chance.
Her hand twisted high in the air.
When fifteen-year-old Esme Silver objects at her father’s wedding, her protest is dismissed as the action of a stubborn, selfish teenager. Everyone else has accepted the loss of Esme’s mother – so why can’t she?
But Esme is suspicious. She is sure that others are covering up the real reason for her mother’s disappearance – that ‘lost at sea’ is code for something more terrible, something she has a right to know.
After Esme is accidentally swept into the enchanted world of Aeolia, the truth begins to unfold. With her newfound friends, Daniel and Lillian, Esme retraces her mother’s steps in the glittering canal city of Esperance, untangling the threads of Ariane’s double life. But the more Esme discovers about her mother, the more she questions whether she really knew her at all.
Esme’s Wish is the first book in the Esme series.
Thank you for inviting me to write a few words about the inspiration behind Esme’s Wish!
The idea first popped into my head many years ago, after I finished reading the final book of the Harry Potter series. There was something about HP that reminded me of books I’d read as a child, stories which made me feel like I was sitting by a fireplace sipping hot chocolate. I never wanted that feeling to end and was at a loss! Not knowing the extent of the task I was about to set myself, I decided to try and write a book of my own. My book, of course, is nothing like Harry Potter, apart from the fact that it explores magic and is set in a world not too dissimilar from our own.
Esme’s Wish is, for the most part, set in the canal city of Esperance, capital of the parallel realm of Aeolia. I set the story in a glittering canal city because I love Venice and the sea. There’s already something magical about winding canals and drifting gondolas, so to infuse such a setting with real magic was something I couldn’t pass up. Aeolia has its own unique mythology, but I was also inspired by Greco-Roman myth, especially one of the oldest stories in the world, Homer’s Odyssey. Keen-eyed readers will spot plenty of references to the Odyssey in Esme’s Wish.
But above all else, my inspiration was the sea. I’ve always lived near water and I suppose, like many Australians who reside along the coast, the sea is in my blood. The sea has been a muse for so many writers over the ages, but it has gotten a bad rap, in my eyes. It’s mostly been grist for stories about grief and tragedy. Yes, the sea is dangerous and mercurial, but it’s also a source of life and beauty. Esme’s Wish draws a little from both perceptions.
So if you like the ocean, magic, sea dragons, and a pinch of mythology sprinkled throughout, you might also enjoy Esme’s Wish.
Find out more about Esme’s Wish and where to buy it at Elizabeth’s website. You can also watch the book trailer on YouTube or read a free preview of the first chapter on Kobo (via the contents page).
The North Spoon Café is a gorgeous café near the harbour, so it should be something special.
If you’re interested you need to RSVP’s by November 10. Click HERE to RSVP.
The Loneliest Girl in the Universe by Lauren James
Genre: YA Sci-Fi
Publisher: Walker Books
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Can you fall in love with someone you’ve never met, never even spoken to – someone who is light years away?
Romy Silvers is the only surviving crew-member of a spaceship travelling to a new planet, on a mission to establish a second home for humanity amongst the stars. Alone in space, she is the loneliest girl in the universe until she hears about a new ship which has launched from Earth – with a single passenger on board. A boy called J.
Their only communication with each other is via email – and due to the distance between them, their messages take months to transmit across space. And yet Romy finds herself falling in love.
But what does Romy really know about J? And what do the mysterious messages which have started arriving from Earth really mean?
Sometimes, there’s something worse than being alone . . .
Lauren James – Q&A
- Where did the inspiration for The Loneliest Girl in the Universe come from?
Funnily enough, it started with a question from some Physics coursework at university! The question was about special relativity, and went something like this:
An astronaut travels in a spaceship to a new planet. After a few years, a newer faster ship is developed and launched, which overtakes the first ship. How old are the two astronauts when they each arrive on the planet?
I started thinking about what it would be like to be that first astronaut, and dedicate years to travelling alone in space, only for your ship to be overtaken by a faster one before you even arrive! What would that feel like? What kind of relationship would you have with the person on the faster ship? From that, the story of Romy Silvers was born.
I’ve always loved stories of isolation – it’s a great way to really get to know a character. I knew that if I was writing a whole book where there was only really one person, I would need to create a character who would keep the reader’s attention and loyalty. It was a big challenge, but I fell totally in love with Romy while I was writing about her, and I hope everyone reading The Loneliest Girl in the Universe does too.
- Did you always dream of becoming a writer?
I started writing The Next Together when I was sixteen, and finished the first draft when I was nineteen. I never intended to get the story published – I was writing just for myself, for fun! The first draft was very self-indulgent, and included cameos from some of my professors, and lots of in-jokes. There was no pressure to write something good. I was just writing for myself, telling myself a bedtime story after classes. I never saw it as doing something scary or difficult.
I always loved the idea of being a writer, but I absolutely didn’t think it was possible. I thought people who became authors must have spent their whole life writing, and I was too interested in doing other things for that.
My second novel The Last Beginning, which I wrote after I’d got a book deal, was about twenty times harder because suddenly there was all of this pressure. I had to push past a lot of fear which had never been there before.
Being an author is quite similar to how I imagined it, though – spending a lot of time alone, staying up late at night to write, summoning the devil in exchange for book ideas..….wait, what?
- How did you feel when secured your first publishing deal at 21?
It was very exciting and scary, and I still feel very lucky! When The Next Together was finished I left it for a few months, and when I came back to it, I was surprised to find that it wasn’t as terrible as I remembered. It even made me laugh a few times. I decided to send it off to some literary agents, just to see if they could give me some useful feedback.
I had absolutely no idea how the publishing industry worked, and I think I read one How To article on query letters before writing one and blithely sending it off into the aether. I found an A to Z list of agents and started emailing with the Z’s, because I thought they’d have the least submissions. In the end, I found an agent on W, after I’d emailed only six agencies. It was a very naive way to apply, but I got very lucky – my agent is incredible, and last year she was shortlisted for the Bookseller’s Agent of the Year award.
We then submitted to publishers after a whole year of revisions (I was still at university so could only really work on it during the holidays) and within two weeks, two publishers had offered. Saying it now, that seems so easy and fast, but at the time it was the most stressful, delirious fortnight of my life. I’ve been through the submission process several times since then, and it does not get any easier.
- What is your favourite book?
I love Sorcerer to the Crown by Zen Cho, Radio Silence by Alice Oseman, Lirael by Garth Nix, Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell by Susannah Clarke and Far From You by Tess Sharpe.
- What authors have influenced your writing?
Neil Gaiman, Rainbow Rowell, Sarah Waters, P. G. Wodehouse, Audrey Niffeneger.…..I could go on all day, I think! In particular I’m always making notes when I read books by Douglas Adams – he’s the master of humorous sci fi. I’ve adored his work since I was young.
I read a wide range of genres, and because of that I try to make my books a little bit of every genre – The Loneliest Girl in the Universe is a bit fandom, a bit thriller, a bit romance and a bit sci fi.
I think if I didn’t write a variety of different genres, I’d probably get bored. My next books are a mix of different genres again – my latest book, which I’m still writing, is a paranormal supervillain origin story. So something completely different, again!
- What book do you wish you had written?
I love The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater. She has an incredible way of really making her characters seem like real people, and I learn so much about writing different perspectives from her work. The set up of that series is just absolutely my favourite thing, and I’m forever jealous I didn’t invent the character Gansey.
I also read Laura Ruby’s writing with a huge amount of jealousy. Her latest, YORK, is so so so good.
- What issues do you like to explore in your writing?
I always try to include LGBT+ characters in my books. I was so frustrated as a teenager because, as a huge sci fi fan, I could never find diverse characters in the worlds I loved. Recently there’s been some amazing progress in this direction (like The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet) but at the time, it felt a completely barren wasteland. I wanted to write about a character who was gay, but the book wasn’t a coming out story. I wanted them to get to do things, while being gay.
- How has your interest in science influenced your writing?
I studied Chemistry and Physics at university, so if I hadn’t become a writer, I would probably be a research scientist focusing on physical chemistry. I would love to go back to science one day – I really miss it!
I always try to make the science in my books as accurate as possible, and I did a lot of research into space travel and the theory of space travel behind NASA’s equipment when writing The Loneliest Girl in the Universe.
The time machine in The Last Beginning is also based on real life research into sub-atomic particles at CERN, like the Large Hadron Collider. Based on the predictions physicists have made about the possibilities of time travel, I thought that was a logical starting point to progress from. I wanted to feel very real and possible – it’s simplified a lot in the book from how these things might actually work, but the grounding of the science is very plausible. I hope! [crosses fingers no physicists immediately call me on my mistakes]
- What was it like to see your books translated into another language?
It’s huge. Seeing my words in another language is something I’ve always wanted to have – so it’s incredible that it’s actually happened! I can’t quite believe it still.
I’m especially proud of the Brazilian edition, as I studied in America for a year, and spent most of my time hanging out with Brazilian students who were also studying abroad for a year. So there was a LOT of excitement amongst my friends when the translated edition came out in Brazil. They keep sending me pictures of it, and trying to persuade everyone to buy it!
- Would you go into space if you could?
I’m not sure. I think I’m probably not as brave as Romy. I might go after tourism space travel has been running for a few decades and it has been proven its safe, but definitely not yet!
She started writing during secondary school English classes, because she couldn’t stop thinking about a couple who kept falling in love throughout history. She sold the rights to the novel when she was 21, whilst she was still at university.
The Next Together described by The Bookseller as ‘funny, romantic and compulsively readable’ and Kirkus as ‘An ambitious, promising premise . . . James is one to watch’. It was longlisted for the Branford Boase Award, a prize given to recognise an outstanding novel by a first-time writer.
Her other novels include The Last Beginning, the epic conclusion to The Next Together which was named one of the best LGBT-inclusive works for kids and young adults by the Independent. Two short stories set in the world of The Next Together series, Another Together and Another Beginning, are also available.
The Loneliest Girl in the Universe was inspired by a Physics calculation she was assigned at university. Lauren is a passionate advocate of STEM further education, and all of her books feature scientists in prominent roles.
Lauren is published in the UK by Walker Books, in the US by HarperCollins and in translation in five other countries around the world. She lives in the West Midlands and is an Arts Council grant recipient. You can find her on Twitter at @Lauren_E_James, Tumblr at @laurenjames or her website http://www.laurenejames.co.uk, where you can subscribe to her newsletter to be kept up to date with her new releases and receive bonus content.
Published: NEW RELEASE
Publisher: Talem Press
In a realm where toxic mist sweeps the lands and magic is forbidden, all Bleak wants is a cure for her power.
Still grieving the death of her guardian and dangerously self-medicating with alcohol, Bleak is snatched from her home by the Commander of the King’s Army, and summoned to the capital.
But the king isn’t the only one interested in Bleak’s powers.
The leader of an infamous society of warriors, the Valia Kindred, lays claim to her as well, and Bleak finds herself in the middle of a much bigger battle than she anticipated.
Heart of Mist is the gripping first book in The Oremere Chronicles, a fantasy series of epic proportions.
Top 7 Fangirl Moments in Fantasy
When I was a teen, I was a massive fangirl. From life-sized posters of Aragorn (that I may or may not still have) to arguing with my bestie over which of us would marry Harry Potter… However, somewhere along the way, I forgot how much fun it was to ship a certain couple or gush with my friends about the latest development in our favourite TV show… Thankfully, in recent years I’ve definitely rediscovered my inner fangirl.
And so to celebrate this glorious occurrence, I wanted to share my top 7 Fangirl Moments in Fantasy with The Adventures of Sacakat!
Here goes nothing…
7. If you want him, come and claim him.
Arwen defending Frodo against the Servants of Sauron is a pretty epic moment in The Fellowship of the Ring. It’s how we’re introduced to Arwen and we realise that beautiful, feminine women elves can be just as badass as any warrior.
6. Kestrel’s cunning.
I’m of course talking about Kestrel from The Winner’s Trilogy by Marie Rutkoski. All too often we see protagonists who are epic warriors from the start, with these larger than life reputations… Kestrel breaks that mold. She’s completely and utterly cunning and clever, she knows where her strengths lie, and how best to use them to her advantage. There are so many fist-pumping moments in this series where Kestrel outsmarts and outmaneuvers those who oppose her.
5. I am Celaena Sardothien and I am not afraid.
Speaking of larger than life reputations… No matter how arrogant she is, I’ll always have a soft spot for Celaena from Sarah J. Maas’ Throne of Glass series. While it’s certainly not perfect, this series helped get me out of a serious reading slump – there’s so much girl power, sass and action that it’s utterly addictive.
My favourite moment? When Celaena/Aelin rescues Aedion from the king in a whirl of dancers and exploding roses.
4. “Fear can be good, Laia. It can keep you alive.”
Sabaa Tahir’s An Ember in the Ashes starts off with Laia making a choice she regrets. To me, her choice reflects one that the majority of us would make were we in her shoes. We’re not presented with the story of an immediate hero, but one of a young girl who seeks to right her wrong. Laia’s character development is one of my favourite moments in recent fantasy – we get to see her grow into herself, make mistakes, and live with the consequences…
“Fear can be good, Laia. It can keep you alive. But don’t let it control you. Don’t let it sew doubts within you. When the fear takes over, use the only thing more powerful, more indestructible to fight it: your spirit. Your heart.”
3. “I’ll thank ye to take your hands off my wife.”
While I don’t usually buy into the whole man-saves-woman nonsense, there’s nothing quite like Jamie Fraser rescuing his One-True-Love Claire from Black Jack Randall in Outlander. I mean, how can you not fangirl over a gorgeous, loyal Scottish warrior bursting in at the right moment?
In fact, I’ve only read the first four Outlander books by Diana Gabaldon, but I can safely say that pretty much anything involving Jamie and Claire is a top fangirl moment…
2. Not my daughter, you bitch
Ummm… Is there anything more badass than when Molly Weasley takes on Bellatrix Lestrange??? Both in the Harry Potter book and film, this scene always has a double effect on me: tears and goosebumps.
I love that J.K. Rowling gave us this fantastic scene where we’re shown just how absolutely fierce Molly is.
1. “I’d rather die on an adventure than live standing still.”
An adventure is certainly how I’d describe V.E. Schwab’s A Darker Shade of Magic trilogy. Arguably my favourite series in the last few years, there are wayyyyy too many fangirl moments to pick just one… But here are two of my favourite scenes…
“You look more ready to storm a city than seduce a man…” – sounds like an awesome dress-code to me!
“Aren’t you afraid of dying?” he asked Lila now.
She looked at him as if it were a strange question. And then she shook her head. “Death comes for everyone,” she said simply. “I’m not afraid of dying. But I am afraid of dying here.” She swept her hand over the room, the tavern, the city. “I’d rather die on an adventure than live standing still.” – Delilah Bard is basically a walking fangirl moment, in my humble opinion.
I’m curious, what are YOUR top fangirl moments in fantasy fiction? Why not share them in the comments below!
Helen Scheuerer is a YA fantasy author from Sydney, Australia. Heart of Mist is the first book in her high fantasy trilogy, The Oremere Chronicles. It explores themes of identity, belonging, loyalty, addiction, loss, and responsibility.
After writing literary fiction for a number of years, novels like Throne of Glass, Elantris, The Queen’s Poisoner and The Queen of the Tearling inspired Helen to return to her childhood love of fantasy.
Helen is also the Founding Editor of Writer’s Edit (www.writersedit.com), an online literary magazine and learning platform for emerging writers. It’s now one of the largest writers’ platforms in the world.
Helen’s love of writing and books led her to pursue a Bachelor of Creative Arts, majoring in Creative Writing at the University of Wollongong and a Masters of Publishing at the University of Sydney.
Helen now works as a freelance writer and editor, while she works on the second book in The Oremere Chronicles.
Helen will be featured in the Australian YA Bloggers September author spotlight, so keep your eyes open for that.
In 1988, Angelica Cross worked with a mortal detective to take down a werewolf pack who were feeding on children at a local school playground.
In 2008, the killings begin again, and Angelica is called in to work the case alongside her old partner’s nephew, who likes Angelica as much as she likes garlic.
They need to put their animosity behind them, before more people are murdered.
The Last Gambi by Om Swami
Genre: YA Coming of Age
Release Date: February 2017
Harper Element (Harper Collins)
Success by design is infinitely better than a win by chance. Vasu Bhatt is fourteen years old when a mysterious old man spots him at a chess tournament and offers to coach him, on two simple but strange conditions: he would not accompany his student to tournaments, and there was to be no digging into his past. Initially resentful, Vasu begins to gradually understand his master’s mettle.
Over eight years, master and student come to love and respect each other, but the two conditions remain unbroken – until Vasu confronts and provokes the old man. Meanwhile, their hard work and strategy pay off: Vasu qualifies for the world chess championship. But can he make it all the way without his master by his side?
Inspiring, moving and mercurial, The Last Gambit is a beautiful coming of age tale in a uniquely Indian context.
‘Do you know who the finest teacher is?’ he asked.
Ignoring my answer, he continued, ‘Experience is the greatest teacher, Vasu. Always replay your own games to see where you went wrong and what made you play the way you did. People don’t lose because they make mistakes, they do so because they repeat their mistakes. The first time, it’s not a loss but a learning.’
‘So, how do I avoid making mistakes?’
‘Just don’t repeat them,’ he said after coughing and clearing his throat. ‘Be it life or chess, that’s the only difference between a grandmaster and an amateur. An amateur expects to reach a different destination by walking the same path. He hopes for miracles or serendipities. A grandmaster, on the other hand, relies on his own effort and intelligence. He does not commit the same error twice.’
‘But Master,’ I said, curious, ‘I do try my best to not repeat my mistakes. Why do I still lose?’ ‘Because you nourish the body and starve the soul.’ I gave him a blank look because I didn’t have a clue about what he just said.
‘Do you know the soul of chess, Vasu?’
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About the Author:
Om Swami is a monk who lives in a remote place in the Himalayan foothills. He has a bachelor degree in business and an MBA from Sydney, Australia. Swami served in executive roles in large corporations around the world. He founded and led a profitable software company with offices in San Francisco, New York, Toronto, London, Sydney and India.
Om Swami completely renounced his business interests to pursue a more spiritual life. He is the bestselling author of Kundalini: An Untold Story, A Fistful of Love and If Truth Be Told: A Monk’s Memoir.
His blog omswami.com is read by millions all over the world.
Title: Right Text Wrong Number
Author: Natalie Decker
Genre: YA Romance
High school juniors Layla and Tyler are complete opposites. Sure she’s a cheerleader and he’s a football player, but she thinks he’s the biggest jerk in the school and he thinks she is too high on her horse to even be worth of a second glance from him. And when the two of them are near one another, sparks fly in all the wrong directions. They are NOT interested in speaking to one another, let alone date.
But when Layla unknowingly sends Tyler a smack-down text meant for the girl sending naked photos to her then-boyfriend, Adam, Tyler has no idea it’s Layla and decides to play along. After all, Tyler cannot resist messing with the pissed off girl firing off texts about junk pictures, cheating, and girl code.
As the fallout from Adam’s sexting scandal plays out in front of the entire school, Tyler and Layla secretly continue to text one another using fake names. But as days and weeks pass, things take a turn for the serious between them, and suddenly, their texts mean more. They both begin to consider revealing their true identity to the other and taking the relationship from texts to dates, then kissing and maybe more.
They say there’s a thin line between love and hate. Can reality live up to the fantasy, or will Layla and Tyler be forever offsides?
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Author Bio: Natalie Decker is the author of RIVAL LOVE series and the Scandalous Boys series. She loves oceans, sunsets, sand between her toes, and carefree days. Her imagination is always going, which some find odd. But she believes in seeing the world in a different light at all times. Her first passion for writing started at age twelve when she had to write a poem for English class. However, seventh grade wasn’t her favorite time and books were her source of comfort. She took all college prep classes in High school, and attended the University of Akron. Although she studied Mathematics she never lost her passion for writing or her comfort in books. She’s a mean cook in the kitchen, loves her family and friends and her awesome dog infinity times infinity. If she’s not writing, reading, traveling, hanging out with her family and friends, then she’s off having an adventure. Because Natalie believes in a saying: Your life is your own journey, so make it amazing!
Find out more visit: www.authornataliedecker.com
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A knock prods my door open a smidge. Juliet peeks in, and I want to launch a pillow at her face. “What do you want?”
“Um … can I talk to you about something?”
“No. Especially not if you’ve come to gloat about me getting all your chores.”
She flinches. “I’m sorry … I was mad. I’ll talk to mom. It’s cool. I know you have way more going on than me. You don’t have to do my chores.”
“I’m going to. I don’t need a reminder of all the things you do better than me.”
“Ugh. It’s not like that, and you know it. I get crap all the time for not being more active in school and more social.”
It’s true she does. Sometimes I think our mom likes to pit us against each other so we both try as hard as the other. Juliet is book smart and great at soccer. Me. Well, I’m the more flexible one and good with people. I cheer and do gymnastics, and I’ve got over ten thousand followers on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Juliet has no social accounts. Even our 80-year-old grandma has Facebook. But Juliet thinks sites like that are just a waste and eats brain cells like crack kills a person. My twin is very unique.
I frown. “I’m tired. Can we talk later?”
She closes the door, and I glare at my algebra. The numbers are so jumbled; I have to calm myself and focus. Numbers always look wonky to me. Sevens and ones look the same. Fours and Nines look the same. Threes tend to look like Eights.
Adam sometimes laughs at me when I try texting without using my voice app because it looks like a drunk person typed it. But the wonderful app on my phone can’t help me pass Algebra. It certainly can’t help me muddle my way through English.
A lot of people, especially in our family, believe Juliet got all the brains. Maybe they’re right. Heck, I didn’t even start talking until I was four. By the time I was in first grade, I was just learning to read my own name. I’ve been to tutors and specialists, and not much helps. There is no cure for Dyslexia. I just have to take longer breaks than normal students.
Maybe that’s why I focus better at sports. No one is asking me to find x while flipping in the air. No one is asking me to read when I’m working on the balancing beam.
My phone pings, and I sigh. Great, a text message. I turn on my app and it sounds off in a generic voice. Message from Adam: Hey U. R U grounded?
I use the microphone and say: Not exactly. Have to do extra chores.
Adam: That Sucks. No party Friday?
Me: Not sure. Can we do something else?
Adam: Babe. Srsly? I want 2 prty.
Me: I get that. Trying to get Homework done. TTYL
Adam: Can’t I g2g2 zzz.
That’s bullcrap. He doesn’t go to bed until at least twelve. It’s only seven. At least I think it is. I chew on my lower lip.
Me: Yeah Ok.
Adam: Heart U.
Heart? No love? What the heck?
I don’t bother to acknowledge him. I push my phone aside. He’ll get the hint his lack of typing out “I love you” really ticked me off.
My phone pings again. I don’t look at it immediately. After about four more pings, I can’t ignore it anymore and look. He sends me a pic of him making a kissy face at me. My resolve wanes a little. The next picture is a selfie; with his left-hand he makes the universal sign for “I love you.” I melt a bit but still refuse to answer.
Adam: Luv u.
Me: I’m sorry too. Just stressed.
Adam: We could correct that :-).
I hate when he hints at sex. He’ll put on a whole pouty act because I refuse to go all the way. Why does waiting for a right moment have to feel like a ticking time bomb? What’s with it with guys thinking they’re only awesome if they go all the way with their girlfriends?
Me: I told u. I’m not ready.
Adam: I know. When u r I’m here.
I want to say ‘really, then why keep mentioning every chance you get?’ But this will lead to a fight so I simply take the cowardly way out.
Me: I have to finish this homework. Love you.
Adam: Luv ya too. Sweet dreams.
I set my phone aside and stare at my math. The whole sex thing has me in a way worse mood. We’ve been together for almost a year. I don’t want to be that corny girl who gives it up on prom night. I don’t want to wait until I’m married either, I just … I’m scared.
All my friends who’ve done it said it was super painful the first time and you can’t even enjoy it. They also claim every time afterwards is amazing. Still pain before doesn’t make me want to try it any time soon. If I’m being completely truthful though, pain isn’t the only thing holding me back. What I’m really terrified of is losing Adam afterwards. I already feel like our relationship is on its last thread with his constant pressure. Then with him being so distracted, he can’t even hold a conversation with me anymore. I’d be completely mortified if I did share that experience with him and he just dropped me as easily as the snap of a finger.
Every single one of my friends who gave up the v-card to a guy they were dating said it was like that’s all the guy was after—nailing the virgin—because they broke up quickly after. Some waited a week, some a couple days, others less than twenty-four hours. That is what I’m terrified of: that Adam will go from this wonderful, amazing person to a grade-A douche. And I’ll forever remember him as that guy who took my virginity and left me.
I stare mindlessly at my homework. I’m never going to get this done if I keep letting myself get distracted with texts and worrying about sex. Around nine, I finally finish my homework and then I turn in.