Nightmares

I missed yesterday’s 365 post; its theme was “nightmares”. I’ve got two big ones that I thought I’d share anyway. Maybe if I write them out as I remember them, I might be able to forget them.

Since having my son I’ve had two Riley (my son) related nightmares that really freaked me out, enough that my husband had to wake me up because I was screaming in my sleep, enough that parts of them stuck in my head once I was fully awake and enough that I can’t forget them or the way they made me feel.

Werewolf Outbreak; the first dream I’m going to writing about. It happened when my son was still a newborn and It was like being stuck in a horror movie.  I can remember running from my husband carrying my newborn baby as had been bitten and was turning into a werewolf. My mother was killed, half eaten; it really fucks you up seeing your mother like that, even if it is imaginary. I found my dad and we were running. We returned to his house to get supplies. I can remember him telling me to hide in roof and being terrified! I was hiding in the roof trying to keep a newborn quiet as a werewolf smashed through the house and killed my father. I can remember being stuck up in the roof and realising my son was so quiet because he had died. That’s when my husband had to wake me up because I was screaming hysterically.

Yep! Pure horror movie shit. I don’t even think I’d been reading or watching anything at the time that could have triggered it. I lay awake the rest of the night horrified at my brains ability to scare the fuck out of me.

Where is the car; the second dream I’m going to write about is one I had last week, it’s all fragmented, almost like still images. Before I tell you about this dream that haunted me for days after and still horrifies and baffles me I’d like to note – I have never left a small child or animal in a car and I never will intentionally – but I always forget where I parked my car.

So I’m running late to a wedding. I can’t find a car park. I dump my car and run to the church. On the outside the church looks small. There’s a man standing the door I give my apologies for being late. I realise my sons not with me. I’ve left my baby boy in the car. I Panic. I Run and Run and Run. I can’t find my car. I can’t remember where I parked my car. I run back to the church and go inside to ask for help. Inside the church is massive, with rows and rows of people.  I’m ignored. I run searching, screaming for my car, willing it to be found. I see my car. My car is empty. I run back to the church. The weddings over. A nun is holding a dead baby. It’s my son.

Days and days I couldn’t get the images out of my head – WHY does my brain to this to me!! WHY!!

I’ve even tried to rationalise this dream. I’ve got two cousins getting married soon, so that’s where the wedding would have come from. Obviously like any parent it terrifies me to think of something bad every happening to my son. Maybe I’m afraid with so much going on at the moment that I could get so distracted and accidently leave my son in the car, I don’t even want to think about that. Normally I forget he’s not with me, I turn around to talk to him and he’s not there. AHHHHHHHHH Nightmares, yep and you can guess I was screaming with this dream to.

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