Helpless

Helplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one at the reins – Today’s post asks us when did you last feel like that, helpless and what did you do about it?

I laughed when I saw today’s post prompt, a bitter laugh! I think the question for me would be when do I not feel helpless. I’m going to be brutally honest here (which I think I’ll regret when I hit publish), I break down almost daily, feeling trapped, feeling like everything is out of my control, feeling that the things I want for myself are out of reach and that going on is pointless. I breakdown feeling helpless, sorry for myself and mad at myself for feeling the first two.

What am I doing about it, well to be honest I’m sick of dealing with it and I’m sick of talking about it, talking just drags it out, talk talk talk talk, talking around in circles, talking to my husband who doesn’t understand, talking to a ‘professional’ I got sent to see – talking is pointless when nobody’s listening – so I’m done with talking.

I can suffer through it. I can try to think about the things that make me happy to help the current wave of depression wash over me. Once the wave is gone I can go back to being the ME I enjoy, until helplessness, fear and anger come rolling to my shore again and I’ll suffer through them again until that wave passes also.

I think you can tell I’m under a wave while writing this, my sons been cranky this afternoon and his crying always sends me straight to the bottom. There is nothing that makes me feel more helpless than his cries, it really is amazing how you can love something so much but have it cause you so much anguish.

But I will say I am thankful for the life I have, things could be much worse, but unfortunately that doesn’t stop the waves crashing over me.

365daysofprompts   Post 7/365 missed 1

4 thoughts on “Helpless

  1. I’m sorry that life is hard for you right now and I do hope you find a point of happiness in your life where some of that depression/helpless feeling can disappear. I know you say that it is hard to talk about and your don’t want to, I just want to let you know if you ever need to talk or vent, I am open ears to you. I’m here for you and I hope things turn around for you soon than later. 🙂

  2. Wow! Love your honesty here Sarah…must have been hard to write. It saddens me to know that this is what you are dealing with daily. If there is ever ANYTHING at all I can do to help…let me know. I have some experience in dealing with the stuff you are talking about, so if you need to chat, let me know! You are one brave, strong and hilarious woman…take care xxxx

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